Do you ever feel like you have not found the place you belong in life? I know that I belong in my family and this is not where the problem is. My problem has always been finding the place I belong when it comes to friendships. I have always felt a disconnect in a lot of these relationships. Now do not feel horrible for me, I have always had friends that I can hang out with sometimes I wish there was just a little more.
In grade school I knew that I did not fit in with the people I was "friends" with. Due to the fact that I went to a really small school I did not have much of a choice in people to hang out with.
In high school I had friends and was friends with most people. I considered myself the floater friend. I could get along with most of the groups in my class. This also meant that I was not close enough with anyone to really be considered part of a group. Which means that now in my life when I go home I hang out with my family which I love. But I do not have friends who want to see me when I am home for breaks or friends who want to visit me at college.
In college I have found a group of friends, but I do not know if it is because of the friendships that I have had in the past but I do not feel like I fit quite right some of the time. I feel like everyone else's relationship is stronger.
I do not know, I may completely be the problem. I am not going to lie I am jealous of the people who have had a life long best friend that has been there for every part of the journey. I am jealous of the people who have friends that want to see them when they go home. Maybe it is just my own insecurity that is causing the problem now. I just know sometimes I wonder if I will always just kind of be alone.
Please do not freak out if you read this. I was starting to think about this tonight and decided to write out my feelings. I promise I am fine, sometimes for me it is better if I have somewhere to express myself rather than just bottling things up.
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